Choose you first. Whether you just had a breakup or a divorce, an almost relationship that ended, a situationship or you’ve never been in a relationship, this message is for you. What I’ve learned since my last breakup is, the most important relationship you will every have in your life, is your relationship with yourself. How you treat yourself determines how you allow other people to treat you, what you tolerate and what you’ll settle for. No one wants to be someone else’s door mat second choice. Trust me.

Choosing you is a declaration if you will. It’s about saying Yes to your life, Owning it and being Unapologetic about it. Point. Blank. Period. For a long time in my relationship I didn’t choose me. I was always second. Crazy I know, even at my age now. What I’d tell my 20-year-old self now. Sweet baby Jesus! Still can’t believe that I allowed myself to become a passenger in my own life. Hard to admit. Good news, I’m back in the driver’s seat of my life and it feels damn good! I will never drop the ball again. “Yes, I own it and I am unapologetic about it.” Had a breakup, but I am so over it and I have moved on from it.

So many times, even in relationships and especially when relationships end we choose the other person over our self. We blame our selves for things going wrong or we question what we could have done better to make them stay. I’m guilty of this. It seems like you are constantly trying to win them over by giving it your everything. Only to get very little if anything back in return. Well that stops today. Today is the day you make up your mind to choose yourself and make you the first priority in your life. No more second best.

No more wasting your time on people who don’t value you. Or letting people tell you they don’t want you more than once or who don’t choose you. If someone has to tell you they don’t want you more than once, that is a problem. You deserve better. Don’t give anyone that kind of power over you. Confidence is a given when you choose yourself. No one, I repeat no one determines your confidence or your worth, but you. 

Instead of playing the victim or blaming my ex for what they did to me. I reframed things and looked at it from the perspective of me closing that chapter of my life. Instead of staying in a relationship that wasn’t serving me I chose to walk away. In that moment I took back my power. I told myself that they were not the right person for me and that I deserved better. Because of that I was able to come to a place of acceptance and forgiveness. That is when I realized that my breakup had in fact happened for me and not to me.

My biggest red flag was that their words never matched up to their actions. I was always doing the most to get their love and attention. But as my gran would always say, “actions speak louder then words” and “talk is cheap.”  Now, if I’d stayed, I would have only continued to dishonor myself. I realized that they were not worthy of me. Many times in relationships we choose the other person over our self. We over invest in them to the point where we sacrifice our self and love them more than we love our self. Then when the relationship ends we're lost and don't know who we are or how to love our self. There is nothing worst than dishonoring yourself for someone else and choosing someone else over yourself. Never forget you are the most important person in your life. Full stop! No and, ifs or buts. Period!

If you have to convince someone to pick you, choose you or to see how amazing you are, they are not the person for you. Facts! Or, if you have to become someone you are not and do things you don’t usually do. Guess what, they are not the person for you. Not only that, if they don’t see you, hear you or value you, they are not the person for you. Only when you can let go of the fantasy and the idea of being with this person or falling for their potential can you really put yourself first in your life. We all know that there is no prince or princess charming. This is not a Disney movie.

Case in point, you should never have to compromise who you are to please and satisfy someone else at your own expense. Because at the end of the day, they still will not choose you. That is why you need to choose yourself first and always.
Here’s the thing, your breakup happened for a reason. Sometimes you just have to walk away. Because when it’s done, it’s done. No point beating your head against the wall. Let it go. You shouldn’t have to wish, hope, wonder, hold on, or wait in vain for someone. No point in senseless suffering trying to get someone back who doesn’t want you. As I said before, never let someone tell you they don’t want you more then once. And if you have to beg someone to come back or to be with you, they don’t deserve you. Next!

Don’t chase crumbs, instead chase you, choose you! Choose you first, never second or third. Become the object of your own desire. Because when you choose yourself first there are no disappointments. A person who knows their worth doesn’t need someone else to choose them when they choose themselves. The truth, you can’t make someone choose you, nor can you force someone to love you. You are your own best friend. Love yourself. Value who you are. Trust your gut. Choose you unapologetically!