Breakup by design or not. It’s your choice. The thing is that you may not have pulled the trigger on your relationship (or maybe you did). Either way it doesn’t change the emotional turmoil you go through when a relationship ends. Good news though, you get to decide how you navigate your breakup. You hold the power to your bounce back. Your comeback is in your hands. You can either break upward or break downward. It’s all a mater of choice and perception.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

The old mindset our breakup has happens to us. But the reality is that our breakup has happens for us. When we are going through it or we're in the thick of our breakup we don't see this way. It is not until after we realize that they were not the right fit for us. Not easy to always accept, because the heart wants what the heart wants and who cares. And it can be hard to see your breakup as a good thing when you are going through the eye of the emotional storm. However, there is a big difference in how you perceive your breakup. You can either play victim or victor. But know, your breakup happened for a reason. Sometimes we want something that is not really good for us or we stay because it is too hard to leave.

Once you embrace that idea you can choose your next move and write your new beginning. Life starts to look up for you. It's all in how you think about it. Having a conscious breakup or what I like to call an empowered breakup makes all the difference with how you move on or not. A breakup can stall you and stop you dead in your tracks. But it doesn’t have to. Why? Because you can breakup by design. You can bounce back from your breakup your way. 

Breaking up by design means being consciously aware, acting with intention, listening to your intuition and doing things your way. Frank Sinatra was on to something when he wrote the classic “My Way”. Here's the thing,  “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!” the late Wayne Dyer said that. It's so true.

You have the power to change the way you handle and navigate your breakup. Only you determine what you do or don't do. It's that simple. Breakup by design is about doing the unexpected, being bold and taking risk. It's about being in control of your life. More so, it is about taking responsibility for your life. You are 100% responsibility for your life. No one else is responsibility for you. So when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Cliche, but true.

Why not? It time to stop doing breakups like it is 1999. The old way is so over done. We all know breakups suck. They’re hard and messy. You feel like your whole life is over and your world is shattered into a million tiny pieces never to be the same again. Yes, I get all that. I’ve been there. Being older and wiser now I chose to do my breakup my way. I chose to do things differently. It's true what they say, experience is a good teacher.

That said, you have two choices breakup by design or breakup by default. Literally you can let your breakup devastate your life, or you can take the bull by the horns and turn your breakup on its tail. (I wanted to say something else here. But I digress.) When you choose to breakup by design you choose the way forward. Best of all you don’t need anyone’s permission. You take a no excuses, no BS approach. If anything you are proactive, not reactive. Its all about designing your post-breakup bounce back with you in mind.

When my long-term relationship ended (more like when I was ghosted) I decided that I was not going to let my breakup turn me into to that angry, bitter person, woe is me. My motto became, “better, never bitter” . I had already wasted years, so I was not about to let me breakup take anymore from me. I took control of my breakup. It wasn't easy but it was necessary if I was going to come out of this stronger! Step one is really to decide that you are going to take control of the outcome. 

To breakup by design ask your self the following questions. You’ll be amazed by the answers. You will come to realize that there is so much more to you than your breakup. You are bigger and better than your breakup. Your breakup is just a wrinkle in time. It doesn't define you or dictate your future. Truth be told, your blessing is in your breakup.

​Think of your breakup as a mirror. Once the dust settles and trust me it does you will see your life from a whole different light from a totally different perspective. Embrace your breakup. Learn the lessons. Rise regardless. You can come up from your breakup stronger and better than ever.

You want to get pen and paper and actually write down the answers to the questions. So you can see the possibilities that lie ahead for you and you can tap into your greatness and unleash your potential. 

The starting point of all achievement is desire. Napoleon Hill

1. What excites you, what fires you up, what brings you joy, happiness and peace, what do you want, what do you wish for? 
2. What do you require at this time in your life, what drives you, what motivates you, and makes you feel alive and vibrant? 
3. Who do you desire to become in the world? Who do you need to be in order to reach your goals?

Never let anyone or anything distract you from noticing how amazing you are. Edmond Mbiaka

1. Who do you need to eliminate from your life, what habits and behaviors do you need to eliminate so you can live your best life? 
2. What is holding you back, what do you need to let go of or remove from your life? 
3. What do you want to experience more of or less of in your life, what do you need to stop or start doing? 

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. Eleanor Roosevelt

1. How do you best connect with God (source, nature, universe), what is your source?  
2. What gives you strength, what fuels you, what energizes you, what stirs and moves you, what brings you joy and makes you happy?
3. How can you use your breakup to strengthen you, what hardships and adversities have you overcame, what experiences make you unique from others, what makes you different? 

Our intention creates our reality. Wayne Dyer

1. What is your intention, what is your vision for your life, how do you want to use your life?
2. What is the impact/influence you want to have or make in the world, what do you feel most compelled to do in your life, what is calling you, what are you being called to do in your life? 
3. Who can relate to your story and experience, who can you help or serve, what is your gut instinct telling you right now in this very moment, what are you interests?

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. Leo Buscaglia

1. What do you do repeatedly (successfully, happily) or 1000x better than anyone else?
2. What makes you great, what are you naturally good at, what are you grateful for? 
3. And what do people ask you for help with or advice on, what do people compliment you on? 

You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jim Rohn 

1. Who is your support system/network, who can you turn to, who can you help with what you’ve been through, what do you need? 
2. Who are you, what is your story, what is your personality?
3. What is your nature, are you more introverted or extroverted, or a bit of both? 

No one plans to breakup. But how you move forward is really up to you! Everything you need to breakup by design is within you. You hold the answers. Permission is the gift you give yourself, so you can be great. Last ask yourself these final questions, who do you want to be? What do you want to have? And what do you need to do so that you can be who you want to be and have what you want to have? You have the ultimate say in how you move on from your breakup. You can bank or bust. What approach do you want to take? Let us know in the comments below.