Breakup stages traditionally have been denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I am here to tell you that in 2020 the stages of a breakup have changed. They no longer fit these nicely packaged stages. Originally, they came out of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s work on the stages of grieving from 1969. Breakups are a loss and you do go through a grieving process. But, the traditional stages of a breakup are just that…traditional. They are so 1999. We are in 2020 people! Keep reading if you want to find out how these stages have changed to reflect current times. The breakup stages have gotten a whole makeover, an update if you will. I have "jeuged" (kicked) them up a notch.

The first stage is what I like to call the Taylor Swift Haunted Stage. Taylor Swift is the queen of the sad song. All you have to do is listen to any of these tracks, Come in from the Rain, Haunted, Always and Forever, Cold as You. You get the idea. One minute you are in a relationship. Things are going great so you think. You see an engagement, wedding, a marriage and a family with this person. Then out of no where it ends very badly. Or in the case of Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas a 25-second text message. You are left broken in a million tiny pieces. It’s a tough pill to swallow. There is a roller coaster of emotions – you feel devastated, lost, confused like, “What the hell just happened?" Then there is the utter shock and disbelief. You try to convince yourself that "This is so not happening." You’re in denial. But after the shock and denial wear off the sadness creeps in. The pain of heartbreak is unbearable. Your heart hurts, you can’t breathe and you just want the pain to stop.

The second stage I’ve renamed the Beyoncé Lemonade Stage. If you are a Beyoncé fan you will know that her Lemonade album is about her husband’s alleged infidelity during their marriage. Beyoncé holds nothing back on this album. In the video for Hold Up a track on her Lemonade album, Beyoncé is seen walking down a street demolishing parked cars with a baseball bat. She unleashes her fury and rage on this car. Breakups bring out the worst in us, especially where infidelity is involved. This stage is characterized by anger. You find yourself questioning everything, asking yourself, “what if” and “if only I”. In your mind you think if you do everything, change, be different they will come back. You’re preoccupied with ways to get them back. Deep down you feel like a failure, like maybe it was all your fault. And you beat yourself up over it. Like a bad dream, you sink into a black whole of depression, with no idea how you are going to move on. You don’t think you can get over him because you’ve invested so much time…years…decades. And worst you’ve invested and sacrificed so much for your relationship and got nothing back in return.

The third stage I’ve renamed the Queen Naija Medicine-Karma Stage. This stage is characterized by wanting to get sweet revenge against your ex. This is where the petty, jealous and competitive you comes out to play. And I mean really comes out to play. You are plotting and scheming the many ways to get back at them for hurting you. There’s all kinds of shade being thrown, some subtle and not so subtle. You want them to feel as bad as you feel and to experience the pain and heartbreak you feel. You’re all about the karma and giving them a dose of their own medicine and making them pay for what they did to you. Revenge is on your mind 247!

The fourth stage I’ve renamed the Ariana Grande Thank U, Next Stage. This stage is characterized by accepting and coming to terms with your breakup. It’s like you wake up one morning and realize that it didn’t work out for a reason. You wasted so much time on someone that didn’t deserve you. Here you decide to live for you and become the best version of yourself and focus on you. Basically, you pick your self up and dust your self off and you are ready to reclaim your throne, take back your crown and reign in your own life. You’re ready to do you hard. This is your breakthrough moment. Or your come to Jesus moment where you didn’t see it then when you where in the thick of it. But you realize it now, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to you. At the end of the day you realize your worth and you're grateful for the lessons you learned on your way back to reclaiming your life.

The fifth stage I’ve renamed the Khloe Kardashian Revenge Body Stage. This stage is characterized by making your self a priority in your life. Here you channel all of your emotions and feelings into becoming a better, healthy, stronger and fitter you. This is where you work through it and rise out of the ashes like a badass phoenix. During this stage you can’t even believe you’re saying those iconic, very cliché words. “Everything happens for a reason.” You’re at a point where you feel so blessed and you realize that your breakup is a blessing. And most importantly you’re ready to make the shift and move on with your life. It’s all about you. Every day you are getting better, bolder and braver. It feels good to be back in the driver’s seat of your life and your ex and your breakup are in the rear-view mirror!

The sixth stage I've renamed the Ciara Level Up Stage. This stage is characterized by letting go and leaving the past in the past. It is about not settling, knowing your worth, being bold and unapologetic about leveling up your life.  In the words of Ciara, it is about being your best, making sure that you are getting the best out of life, the love you're getting in life, your health in life, your job in life - doing life, making sure you're living life at the best level - the highest level. Honestly, I could not agree with Ciara more. You are your answer and your breakup is an opportunity to live life at our best level if you choose to.

The seventh stage I’ve renamed the Lindy Lewis Banking from Breakup Stage aka the new way to do breakups. This stage is characterized by next level breakup badassery where you leverage your breakup and use it to your financial advantage literally. Because you should never leave a breakup empty handed. It’s about mining your breakup for all the breakup gold and cashing in on your heartbreak. At the end of the day the money is in your mess. Look at Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Taylor Swift, Queen Naija, Beyoncé, Khloe Kardashian, Ciara. There is nothing that says that you can’t capitalize on your breakup. Clearly, the traditional stages of a breakup needed a refresh. So there you have it the 7 new stages of a breakup with a 2020 twist.

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