​Here is the breakup truth about breakups. Breakups often get vilified. And in some cases, it is justified. Let’s keep it real, no one likes breakups. There is no way to really prepare for them even if we sense or know they are going to happen. The bottom line is that they are not fun. They can often bring out the worst in us and make us fall into the grip of our inferior function. Trust I’ve been there. I say all this to say that there is another way to look at breakups. Below are 13 breakup truths I've discovered having going through my own painful breakup blindside. If you want to know what they are, well keep reading.

According to Relationship Expert Hellen Chen, “85% of relationships end in breakups”. We can hate them all we want, but they are going to happen regardless. Then add to the mix that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Based on those staggering statistics, your breakup may not even be your fault when you think about it. (Now it might be, but give yourself the benefit of the doubt.) So really and truly there is no way to around breakups and divorces. They happen. That is the reality. If you are going through a breakup or a divorce know that it won’t be your last. See this as a heads up and maneuver accordingly. My attitude now is that if it works out, great and if it doesn’t, great. I’m at a stage in my life where I appreciate my experiences good or bad and just keep it moving. I don’t worry about the things I can’t control or change. That takes the stress and pressure off.

Going through a breakup or a divorce gives you a highly specialized skill set (and arms you with weapons of mass badassery). These are skills you just can't learn in school. Forget on the job training. Breakups provide you with what I call in-the-trench training. There is no navigation manual or roadmap to follow. A breakup grows you in some of the most powerful life-changing ways. When you are in the thick of it it’s really bad. But when you come out on the other side a badass with whole different vibe that's priceless. Breakups help you to build up. They're also a great time to re-invent yourself and give yourself a brand new breakover (a breakup makeover, yes it's a thing!). Think about it this way, without breakups there would be no personal growth or change. I know it sounds extreme. But breakups highlight areas in your life that need to change or improve. So, they are necessary for many reasons. At the end of the day we all want to be great.

Breakups are painful. According to science they can produce physical pain (broken heart syndrome). Researcher often relate breakups to going through drug withdrawal. That is why they seem so hard to get over and move on. A breakup causes your brain go into withdrawals similar to when it withdraws off drugs. That is why you constantly want to contact them, call them, talk to them, stalk them, message them, text them, see them, hear from them, have sex with them and be around them. The desire to have them is so strong. You don’t want to be without them, you crave them. It’s like they are your drug and you want that hit so bad. You can’t shake them until you get that hit, that high that comes from being with them. The neuro-chemicals that are released during a breakup are so powerful just like the same ones released during drug withdrawals. You eventually do get over them.

They may feel like the end of the world when you are going though it. But when it is all said and done it really is the beginning of a new world where you are the main attraction. It just opens up so many more opportunities and adventures for you. Breakups give you an opportunity to meet new people, try new things and step outside your comfort zone. The key is to give yourself permission to live out loud and enjoy your life again to find your joy and your new happy place. When you put things into perspective there are 7.5 billion people on the planet, so your odds are good of finding someone worthy of you and who is a better fit for you are pretty good. In the meantime, you get to cultivate your relationship with yourself. Because the best relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself.

Taking a page from Marie Kondo, there’s nothing like a breakup to bring your mess to light and to jump start the decluttering process. It is amazing when you start clearing the cobwebs out of your life (literally and figuratively) what happens. Breakups reveal so many things about us and our life. It’s like a whole bunch of skeletons come out of your closet all at the same time and it isn’t even Halloween.

I was blown away by the amount of stuff I had accumulated during my relationship. It was mind blowing. I realized that sometimes you got to purge, pitch and pack stuff up in your life that no longer belong in your life or spark joy. Sometimes that includes people and relationships, not just things.

Since then I’ve moved on with no regrets. I can honestly say, that I’m grateful my breakup happened. Because, often we choose to stay in relationships that don’t spark our joy to save face or avoid embarrassment, (whatever the reason) when the best thing is to walk away and pack it in. Tidying up the mess from a relationship that has ended isn’t easy, but it is necessary to move forward.

Yes, they give you time to just focus on yourself and nobody else, (to be at your own beck and call). Which to me is pretty sweet. They allow you to become the focus and main priority in your life and to do the things that make you happy. There’s nobody to think about, answer to or cater to. It’s all about you (and your kids or pets if you have them or both). The idea is you get to do you, love you and reconnect with your self, rediscover all your amazingness (all that good good awesome sauce that makes you great). Honestly, you learn things about yourself you never knew. Breakups open your eyes to who you are and what you are made of. Most importantly, they help you to get clear on who you want to become (without any distractions). For more breakup truths, stay tuned for part 2!