Here's the thing needing closure is keeping you stuck believe it or not. This  idea that you need closure in order to move on from your breakup is false. It’s a lie. You don't need anyone's permission. You do not need to consult with the "permission police". The only person's permission you need is your own!

You don’t stop breathing because you didn’t get closure. Your life doesn’t just come to an abrupt end because you didn’t get closure. We’ve been fed this notion that we need closure. And quite honestly, you don’t. Real talk, your breakup is all the closure you need. Done!

The reality is getting closure doesn’t necessarily change things. So, pursuing it is a pointless waste of time. Ouch! I know. But it's the truth. It doesn’t change the outcome of your situation. It doesn't add any tremendous value to your life. In fact it might take away from your life. Getting closure may actually hurt more. There is no guarantee they will even tell you the truth. So don't give them any more airtime in your life. They lost the privilege to speak into your life. They get no free pass on this one. 

The truth of the matter there's no such thing as complete closure. It just doesn’t exist. You will still have questions, you will still want answers, and you may still continue to have love for them. Seeking closure doesn’t make love stop, doesn’t make the feelings go away, and it sure doesn’t make things instantaneously better or easier. I will say it again, your breakup is your closure. It doesn't get any more closed than that! 

You see when you fixate on getting and seeking closure you stop living your life. You basically hold yourself hostage and put your life on hold for something that you may never get. You're making someone else responsible for your life. You're giving up your power. Your life is 100% your responsibility. Don't give other people say in your life or space in your head or your heart. Save that for someone who is worthy of you and deserving. Don't waste it on someone who no longer qualifies.  

Stop expecting closure. Your ex owes you nothing. They don’t owe you any answers or explanation. Their choice is very clear. As much as you would like to have closure. Quite frankly, when they're done, they’re done. You no longer exist to them or matter to them like you once did. That reality hurts. But it is what it is. They do not care about what you're doing after them. As far as they're concerned, it’s none of their business. Their time is up. They’ve moved on. Mentally and emotionally they have checked out and moved on. I suggest you do the same. I have seen this first hand with my own situation. So, trying to confront them, have the last say, get the answers to your questions, find out why they did what they did is a waste of time and emotional energy. They don't deserve anymore of your time. It's like trying to beat a dead horse. It's already dead!

There are so many reasons why true closure is elusive. Think about these for a minute: 

1. They may just tell you what you want to hear.
2. They wouldn't be telling you anything you already didn't know. What is hearing it from them actually going to do for you? 
3. They may lie to avoid a blow out.
4. You can’t force someone to talk to you.
5. Chances are it may not change anything.
6. You may actually feel worst.
7. It doesn’t erase all the years, months, weeks and days of pain they caused you.
8. It may only cause you more hurt, so why even risk it. Why give it any attention or give away your power.
9. It doesn’t instantly put an end to your pain. It may prolong the agony, pain and suffering you’re experiencing.

The problem with needing closure is that you will never really get it. You need to face the facts and accept that you will not get it. It’s hard, but necessary if you truly want to move past your breakup. Look at it this way, your breakup is closure. Case closed!

Time to accept that the relationship didn’t work, it failed. It’s over. It’s pointless to want something that you’ll never get. Seeking it will only make you frustrated, crazy, and feel worst, especially when you don’t get it. Own it and move on from it. Close the book, the door, the chapter...whatever you need to close. Slam it shut! 

My take is, if I wasn’t good enough for you to tell me to my face and “person-up” there’s nothing that you can tell me now to change anything. I don’t need to hear your lame excuses and tired lies. You’re lack of respect and common decency have told me everything I need to know. In my mind, you’re dead to me. You’ve already shown me who you are. If I don't believe you shame on me then. Maya Angelou says, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” So, if they’ve treated you badly in the relationship, what is closure really going to do for you?  Let's be real for a minute. It will do absolutely nothing. Not a darn thing, a whole lot of zip, zero, nada. Because you may not get exactly what you want. Instead it may just prolong your pain, make you look like a spectacle and change nothing. Don't let getting closure keep you from your best life. 

Will you die without closure? I don’t think so. Clinging to closure is an easy way to keep yourself stuck. Rather than seek closure from your ex here is what you can do instead:

• Create your own closure. Yes! You don’t need someone else to give you closure. Closure is something you create. No one can give you closure.
• Ask yourself will closure change anything for you? Probably not! Sorry.
• Focus all your energy on yourself. Stop spending days, weeks, months or even years trying to understand what happened. In the large scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. They made their choice. Time for you to move on.
• Create a breakup bounce back plan. Banking from Breakup is all about helping you to bounce back from breakup. It's like breakup insurance. It's your return on investment.
• Focus on where you are and where you want to be in your life and what you will need to get there. Put your energy and attention into YOU right now. Leave the past in the past.

Closure is not guaranteed. Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you will get it. You just need to accept that. There is no guarantee you’ll have closure because life is just like that. Some people never get the closure they want. You have to make a decision to move on and create the life you want post-breakup.

The truth about closure is that you don’t need it. Yes, I said it. You may want it. But honestly, it’s not necessary for you to move on. Stop looking for it, asking for it, expecting it, wanting it, or needing it. Because seeking it just keeps you stuck in your life.

My closure came when I decided to use my breakup to my advantage and create Banking from Breakup™. This was something that I had 100% control over and I didn't need anybody's permission. You have no control over other people. 

Takeaway: You create your own closure for yourself. No one can give you better closure than yourself. Closure is about you, not your ex. 

Drop a comment below how do you plan to create closure for yourself?