Marie Kondo debuted her highly talked about Netflix show, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” this past New Year’s Day. If you don’t know who Marie Kondo is, she is the viral tidying up guru of the famed KonMari Method. The KonMari Method is a method organizing one’s home and one’s life using ancient Japanese wisdom. The show is about discarding those things in your life that no longer “spark joy”. And keeping those things that do spark joy. Essentially it is decluttering our lives of unnecessary rubbish. That being said, it could also be applied to breakups. Keep reading if you are curious how to apply this age-old Japanese wisdom to your breakup because it could be keeping you stuck from moving on.

Marie’s popular KonMari Method is her signature way of organizing has resonated with millions of people worldwide. So much so that everyone is KonMari-ing their homes from top to bottom. She details her popular method in her bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. The idea behind the book is that you should only keep the things that “spark joy”. What a powerful mantra and philosophy to live by. I believe the same goes for breakups. The KonMari Method embodies the power of one’s intuition, intention, gratitude and letting go. It is not a mindless exercise of getting rid of your clutter. What make's the KonMari Method so powerful is the whole ritual around letting go and release things from your life that don't spark joy or have served their purpose. 

Breakups can leave behind physical reminders, toxic remnants, leftover artifacts, unresolved issues, lingering vibes, stale energy and residues. You can’t move on from a breakup if you are still surrounded by all of the reminders of the relationship. So, it is important to detox and tidy up your breakup (your life and your living space), so that these things don’t spill over into your life and disrupt your life.

The KonMari Method gives you a simple, step-by-step process and plan to deal with your breakup clutter. Yes, breakup clutter is a thing. But the bigger more important question is not what you will discard, but how do you want to live your life now that your relationship has ended? Paint your self a picture, visualize the life you want and then go and create it. 

The best and fastest way to spark joy and to tidy up your life is going through a breakup. A breakup brings all your mess to light, the good, the bad and the ugly. It's funny how quickly a breakup shows you what is ou tof alignment in your life and what garbage needs to be thrown out. But even better is moving on unphased, being a badass and totally unapologetic about it. Because sometimes you got to purge, pitch and pack stuff up in your life that no longer belongs in your life or that no longer serves you. And that can include people, relationships, friendships and breakups. So be grateful your breakup happened. Because often times we choose to stay in relationships that don’t spark our joy to save face or avoid embarrassment, (whatever the reason) when the best thing is to walk away. Tidying up the mess from a relationship that has ended isn’t easy, but it is necessary if you want to move on.

Kondo-ing your breakup is the act of removing all reminders of your relationship (excluding children and pets) and subsequent breakup from your life that don't spark joy. Starting over can be difficult especially after a bad breakup. But the key is to start the process. The best way to move through a breakup is to process your way through the loss. This is what Marie Kondo helps you to do with her KonMari Method. For every item she encourages you to ask yourself if it sparks joy. If it doesn’t then discard that item. The aim is to focus on what brings you joy, not the item that you are getting rid of. But before you discard the item you thank it for serving you and then you let it go.

There are 5 categories. They are clothes, books, paper, komono and sentimental. Keep in mind that this process will vary depending on if you lived together or if you lived apart.

1. Clothes – this includes any items belonging to your ex or any items of clothing your ex bought you during the relationship or clothing that you may have bought during the relationship while under the influence of your ex; linens, bed sheets, bedding, underwear, lingerie, intimates, accessories and gifts.
2. Books – this includes actual books, magazines that belonged to your ex, books, magazines your ex may have bought for you, digital subscriptions, apps.
3. Paper – this includes letters, cards, notes, invitations, ticket stubs from movies, concerts or special events you attended together, shared bills.
4. Komono – this includes personal items that belonged to your ex ie. toothbrush, toiletries, coffee cup, water bottle, mutually acquired belongings, items that were bought together.
5. Sentimental – this includes photos/albums, gifts, jewelry, cards, mementos, keepsakes, digital items, DM's, emails, letters, messages, voice mails, text messages, journals/diaries, contact details, block from timeline, delete/unfollow on social media 

There is power in tidying up your life after a bad breakup. The power is that you get to decide what you take into your future. Your ex is your past. The future is yours to create. Which means that you get to make space for what is possible in your life and make room for more. Imagine you have full and total control of the life you create. That’s badass. So, enjoy the process as you pile (start), praise (give thanks), pitch (discard), purge (sort/organize/order), and place (store/put away). Because the last thing you want is to be tied to your past physically or energetically. So, you want to detox, cleanse and reset your life. This is not about throwing shade at your ex in anyway. It’s about doing what is best for you.

It is a special send-off for those things that no longer spark joy in your life and that will be departing from your life. If you think about it, your breakup is celebration. A celebration of: freedom, reclaiming your power, your self identity and worth, owning who you are, taking responsibility for your life and moving on. So, see it as one! Often, we see a breakup as an ending, but in fact it’s really a new beginning, a new chapter in your life. Remember this is a self-directed process. Do what works for you and what makes sense. There is no right or wrong way to declutter your breakup or your life. The key is to start the process and celebrate yourself along the journey.

At the end of the day, it’s not about what to discard, it’s what to keep. Your breakup happened for a reason. Trust that it was for your good and that what you have gained is far more significant, than what you lost. Just think, what has your breakup taught you? What are the lessons you learned about yourself, your relationship and your ex. Most importantly who you have become as a result or in spite of your breakup? And do you like the person you see staring back at you in the mirror? The end game is about forgiveness, gratitude, growth, letting go and moving on. Take the time you need to declutter your breakup so that you can free yourself, your mind and your heart to live the life you want and deserve.

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