Breakup advice to my younger self would look like the following. In hindsight, if I could change my first breakup, I would have banked from my breakup out of the gate. Banking from Breakup puts the badass in breakup. Seriously, I would not have tried to hold on as long as I did. I would have been “over and out” sooner. Because you can’t make someone love you if they don’t. Nor can you change them or control them. Keep reading if you want to learn about what I would tell my younger self.

Wow, I would have owned it, thanked it, been over it and on with it. No begging, no groveling, no questioning why, no blaming or doubting myself or my worth, no beating up on myself. None of it. I would have had zero regrets and I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I wouldn’t have dwelled on it or tried to hold on to a relationship that wasn’t good for me. At the end of the day, I would have cut my losses and kept cute and kept it moving. Ultimately, I would have leveraged my breakup and used it to my financial advantage, much like I am doing now. Experience is a great teacher. It’s true, with age comes wisdom. And wisdom is priceless!

If you were dumped or ghosted it’s not your fault. You're not a mind reader or a magician. You cannot predict other people's actions or behaviors. That is not your responsibility.  What I've learned is that it’s about the other person. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not pointing fingers or shifting blame. And I’m not saying it’s you, not me. People change, they grow and they evolve into different people. We can’t control or change people and what they may do or don’t do in relationships.

Not all relationships are meant to last or are built to last. Your first breakup won’t be your last. 85% of relationships are unsuccessful. Once you understand the math you will realize that the odds are not in your favor. But you can have great relationships. Just know that not all of them will last. That is the reality.

It’s okay to still love your ex. Your feelings don’t just die, or stop or go away. And honestly you will always have love for your ex (especially if you share children or pets). They were apart of your life. And your relationship was not all bad. In the beginning it was magical, great and amazing. Those memories don’t disappear even though they may fade over the years.

Breakups don’t have to be bad. But we have been taught to see breakups as the enemy, as bad. But they’re not. You get to decide and choose how you navigate your breakup and how you bounce back. You hold the power.

Breakups teach you things that only a breakup can. Unfortunately, they don’t teach you how to get over a breakup in school. But know that your breakup happened for a reason. Your breakups teach you so many valuable lessons about yourself, about relationships and about the sexes. It teaches you about red flags to avoid, deal breakers, non-negotiables and the things you won’t tolerate or put up with in a relationship. Most importantly they teach you about what you want and don’t want in a relationship or in a partner. Breakups are golden.

Often times when we go through a breakup or we’re ghosted, we automatically assume it’s our fault or that something is wrong with us. For the record, it’s not your fault. And there’s nothing wrong with you. You are amazing just the way you are. Our life speaks to us and breakups are not rejections, they’re redirections. It’s our life’s way of telling us when things are out of balance and out of alignment in our lives. Basically, it is our life pointing us in the right the direction.

I wish I had known then, what I know now about love, relationship and breakups. But experience is good teacher. My biggest takeaway is that there is no prince or princess charming out there. He/she doesn't exist and they are not coming to whisk you off on some grand adventure. It's funny how we still want the fairytale romance and the happy ever after ending. No one can make you happy, nor can they fix you or rescue you. You are your own prince charming. Your happiness is in your hands and no one else's. So be totally unapologetic and badass about it! What breakup advice would you give to your younger self?

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